Our Lost Time
by hundan
Summary: People move on in life, things don't always stay the way they are. No matter how good, or easy, their life may be. And it's all about growing, it's all about the growth of their future, their career. But sometimes hearts get hurt in the process.


**Small one-shot my muse came up with yesterday. Hope you enjoy, your thoughts would be great!**

**Hundan**

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><p>It's been years since he's seen her. The last time he saw her, what they shared meant more than anything but he doesn't want to remember how they parted. It wasn't nice, it wasn't easy, because he hadn't wanted to let go. It was filled with heartbreak and he may admit to the fact that there had been a few tears shed. Three years ago he had been so much happier, and three years on, he still missed her. Because he didn't have her anymore. She wasn't there when he was sad, and he wasn't there when she was sad. Sometimes he felt like slowly day by day his heart was being chipped at by a chisel, making it smaller, harder to function.<p>

He's still the same, his heart may not be the same because of the loss it's had, but his smile was still the same if someone could make his face spread with a grin, but it wasn't easy. She'd meant too much to him, and he'd lost that. She'd fallen out of his grip and he wasn't able to hold on. But if he thinks about it, he would have always let go, because it was for the best of her future. She was going somewhere other than staying under Gibbs' wing all her years. She had more will power to let go of Gibbs than he had.

He still waits for the day to hear those words from her, still waits to once again hear her tell him she loves him. He's only heard it once, that day when she left, the last day he saw her in the past three years. Those are the words that broke him, they are the ones that had made the tears spill. And when he'd said it back to her, her arms had tightened around his larger frame. She didn't want to let go, she even asked him to come with her. But he couldn't, because Gibbs was depending on him. After that morning Gibbs had been shot on his way to get coffee in the morning, he hadn't quite been the same. And he only wanted one person to fill his role, Gibbs would only give up his chair to one person. The only agent he trusted with it. The agent he'd grown, shaped and molded for over ten years.

Tony heard from her once a year, but other than that, he hadn't heard anything. Because it was too hard, it was too hard to hold that connection, because they wanted so much more. And hearing her voice on the phone, all he wanted to do was have her in his arms and never let go. It's unfair that she was taken from him. He would give anything to have her back in DC. Now that he ran Gibbs' team as his own, all he was left with was Abby and Jimmy. No one else had stuck around from the original team like he had. And Abby was as bad as him, she missed Gibbs, Ducky, McGee, and Ziva. She told him on a weekly basis and it only made it harder for him, because all he could do when they were mentioned would think about how good it had been, how much had been taken from him.

But people move on in life, things don't always stay the way they are. No matter how good, or easy, their life may be. And it's all about growing, it's all about the growth of their future, their career.

The moment he realizes he needs her more than anything, is the moment his heart stops. Literally. He was at a crime scene one morning, his team was following his orders like he once did from Gibbs. He didn't know what it was, but the woman who lay face down in the sand, dark curly hair spilling out everywhere, dressed in her cargo marine pants, he just couldn't handle that image. That image gave him flashes, his mind projected things into his head that had him gripping at his chest as his heart thumped out of place. And then it just stopped. Because even if he'd not seen her in so long, the thought of losing her still killed him.

He'd dropped to his knees, his agents weren't sure what was going on. Their boss was the toughest of tough, he lived on coffee and they thought he was an invincible machine. He wouldn't admit it, but he'd turned into Gibbs. When Jimmy had seen him clutching his chest, struggling for breath, he'd known what was going on immediately. And even though his job was to attend to the dead and not the living, he'd not stopped for one second to save his friend. He and Tony had grown close in the past few years, he'd do anything for the older agent.

Tony is lucky for his dear friend, Jimmy saved his life that day. And when the Director told Tony to take a few weeks off, he said he'd take one. And he knew exactly what he was going to do with that one week. He was going to see her, go find her. If it was the last thing he did. If she still loved him like he did her, maybe he'd take longer than a week off, because when he thinks about it, she's more important than anything in his life, even his dream job, the one he'd worked most of his life for. Team leader of the MCRT was a big deal, and he knows that. He's proud, but he'd still wish to have her back in a heartbeat.

When he arrives in Spain his legs feel like they are not paired with his body. The thought that she had replaced EJ in the job _he_ had meant to have in the first place, was a little crazy. And thinking he was on the same land as her right now, had his mind doing all sorts of weird things. He knows she fits in here, not that he's seen it with his own eyes, he just knows somehow. Even though his doctor told him to take it easy, he couldn't help but running right to this land in search of her. If he has another heart failure because of her, at least it would have been worth it. Because he would have been able to see her, maybe even hold her, kiss her if he's lucky.

He has her address, where she works, because he did his homework before he came. He's a trained investigator on a mission to hunt down the woman he loves, he'd use all the resources he had to find her. Illegal or not.

He ends up at her work because no one is at her apartment, and when he's escorted up all he finds is two agents at desks. There is another desk there also, with the seat vacated and the desk held a nametag. Special Agent Ziva David. If the name in front of him like that, so real and there, wasn't giving him a tightness in his chest, he didn't know what else it would be. He doesn't even pay much attention to the two agents staring at him, he just walks up to her desk and picks up her nametag, running his fingers across the indented letters, feeling her name beneath his fingertips. He was so close to finding her.

"Um excuse me, can I help you with something Sir?" one of the agents who had approached asked from next to him. It was the male one, the female still sat at her chair watching. It's funny how Ziva's new team has more females then males, when back in DC it was the other way around.

"Yeah, I ah, I'm looking for Ziva" he said softly. When he thinks about it, he misses the way Ziva says his name from her lips. The agent looked at him for a minute, judging him. Maybe Ziva had taught her agents some of her tricks.

"Can I ask the reason?" he then asked. He was professional about this, all business. But the thing is, this wasn't business for Tony.

"It's personal. I have just come to see her. I'm a friend" Tony returned. This kid must be her Senior Field Agent, because he was giving off the vibes for it. The agent in front of him was about to say something when the younger woman at her desk spoke up.

"I've seen you before" she said, standing from her desk and coming to stand by them. She was staring at him, looking at his features, trying to remember where she had seen his face before. Then Tony watched as the light bulb went off.

"You are the guy in the photo that Ziva has on her dresser at home" she said. The thought had Tony's mind spinning. She keeps a photo of him? It must be one of him with the team, right? She wouldn't have one of just him. The male agent looked at his co-worker with a frown, he obviously hadn't seen this photo or been in Ziva's apartment before.

"She'll be at the café on the beachfront just down the street, she goes there everyday at lunch" the young woman said, giving him a small smile.

"Thank you" Tony said, before placing Ziva's nametag back on her desk carefully and making his way back the way he came. On his way out he could hear the two agents arguing.

"David said not to ever tell anyone where she is if they come asking for her, unless we cleared it with her first" the male agent growled.

"This is different Steve, that is her old partner" the woman replied, matching his tone, challenging.

"There is nothing different about it, rules are rules and-" Steve began but she cut him off.

"Do not raise your voice to me. I know what I am doing, Ziva shares a lot more personal things with me about her old life so don't for one minute say I am wrong. I know who that man is, and he will definitely never ever harm her in anyway, got it?" she said, very strong in her reply. It was a command. Maybe Tony was wrong, she was definitely superior to the male agent.

And then Tony was gone from earshot, he'd left the conversation with the two partners. How much had Ziva shared with this woman he wonders? He'd never shared anything about Ziva with his agents. But then again, he had with Jimmy.

His hands were shaking a little when he reached the café on the beachfront, if she was here, he would almost in the same place as her, together. First time in three years of being apart. That was hard when it was someone you loved, so very hard. He walked in the front of the café, it was half bar, half café and as he looked inside the place, he couldn't see her. Would he recognize her? He would, right? She couldn't have changed that much in three years. What if she was with someone? Maybe a boyfriend? He didn't know if she was committed to someone or not. God, his heart was starting to pound in his chest.

He hoped that this wasn't going to cause him another heart attack.

That's when he saw her. He was walking outside the café, to the tables on the edge of the beach, looking out onto the warm blue sea, and he saw her sitting there looking out towards the bright blue and having her lunch. She was alone, and God did she look even more beautiful than ever. Her hair was a little lighter than it had been a few years ago, but he knows how much she loved highlighting it. Her skin was also a little darker than how it used to be, he figured the warm sun of Spain had helped her with that. And he would beat a lot on the fact that she won't have any tan lines. Yep, his mind had started to spin a little, and not from the heat. This was too surreal, there she was. Alone and for the taking, what was she going to say when she saw him?

He slowly walked up to the table, he only got halfway there, it was like she sensed him, he didn't know how she could do that after three years, but she did. Just like she used to. She stopped, body frozen when she saw him. She had not in a million years expected to see him, here.

"Tony?" she whispered. Was this real? Was that really him? She stood out of her chair when he took a step closer, both of them staring at the other. This was surreal. His heart was thumping faster than the doctor had order. And there is was, his name slipping from her lips. He missed that, far too much.

He stopped right in front of her, and he didn't really expect it when her hand reached out and softly touched his cheek. He was real, this was really Tony, right here right now. Three years had killed her when it came to missing him. He leant into her touch, automatically, like three years had only been three minutes. Like nothing had changed between them.

"God, I missed you so much" he whispered as he leant forward, softly dropping his forehead against hers. She ran her hand down the side of his jaw before she brought her arms around him and tugged him in close, clinging to him. His own arms came around her and gripped onto her, she felt just the same against him, she smelt just the same. He had missed her so, so much. He never ever wanted to let go ever again.

"I missed you too" she said against his neck, her breath warm and it sent tingles down his spine. She missed him too, she had missed the time they had been apart, but as much as him?

"It wasn't right without you" he then said, letting out his feelings. He had too, he wanted her to know the hell he had been through. How horrible his life is with her gone from it.

"It's never been the same since I left" she admitted. She had been hurting as much as him, she hadn't let him go. She still cared, she still loved him. He could feel it. His heart felt so much lighter at that news, maybe the only reason he had a heart failure was because he couldn't handle his heart without her. Because she owned his heart, she was the one that kept it safe. His heart was hers.

He leant back and stared deep into her eyes, he missed that most of all. That bond he had with her, the one where he didn't need to speak to her with words, just one look would suffice. He brought his hand up to her cheek this time, and she smiled. That smile could kill him as easy as a heart attack.

"I don't want to go back, I don't want to leave you again" he said. He was serious, he'd only made this discussion in a second, but he'd never been this sure about something in all his life. He didn't want to leave her, and his life would be happy for the rest of his days if he had her. She shook her head, as much as she wanted him to stay, how much that would make her life perfect, she couldn't have him give up his career just for her. He'd come so far.

"Tony, you can't-" she began to protest, but he cut her off.

"Yes Ziva, I can. I can't live my life without you anymore, my heart cannot handle it" he said. There was something so raw and emotional in his eyes when he said that, she couldn't say no. This was his decision after all, and if he was this sure, if this is what he truly wanted, she wouldn't say no. This was his life, his career. And if he wanted her in his life this much, no matter what it did to his career, she would accept him with open arms.

"If this is what you want?" she asked. He knew she wasn't trying to push him away, she was just looking out for his future. She cared about him. Her eyes and her caressing hands told him that she wanted him in her life more than anything.

"Yes, absolutely" he answered. She smiled, a bright smile full of love and happiness. Because that's how he made her feel, without even trying. He leant down closer, his nose just brushing against hers while his hand threaded into that hair that he missed so much, those rich, soft Israeli curls.

"Ziva" he whispered, mouth inches from her lips.

"Yeah?" she breathed. He had her heart racing, her breath almost stopping short. She hadn't kissed him in three years. She hadn't made love to him in three years, not since that one winter night that she left him, thinking that it was maybe going to be the last time forever.

"I still love you" he whispered against her lips, wanting to kiss her more than anything. But he didn't, just left his lips just brushing hers, but not enough to kiss. He wanted to hear her reply, that she still loved him after all these years.

"I've still loved you everyday since I left" she confirmed. That was the most comforting thing he had ever heard in his life, he felt safe, that his heart was safe with her. But it always had been, because she'd always kept it close to her own heart.

He didn't hesitate in pressing his lips to hers and kissing her for the first time in three years. And it felt as right as it ever had, kissing her was perfect. She was his soul mate. And now she was his soul mate that he didn't have to live without, because he wasn't going anywhere. Ever. He was forever hers, and she forever his. They finally had their happy ending, after so long, so much that they've had to get through, they deserved it more than anything. They deserved each other, and to be happy.


End file.
